They grow up

Even if you don't want them to.  Ms. R knows everything.  She is a very clever little lady.  I am not kidding.  Show her something - she can do it.  It is in a way that really - really reminds you how much we associate language with intelligence.   This lady can sign, she knows what she wants and she can already annoy and manipulate her older sibs.   I have caught her stealing a toy, falling down on the escape route and then getting close enough to the girls to make it look like they took the toy from her and she should get the sympathy.  Tricky lady. 

Yesterday - she made me laugh so hard.  She was wearing tights and pants.  We were going to a party, so I stripped the pants fast and pulled on a dress.  Apparently, I didn't explain the plan very well.  She came over to me with the pants in hand.  She gave them to me and started to move her foot.  That girl was trying to show me that she intended to step into the pants.  Why wouldn't I hold them open?  Why the heck did I take away her pants?  It was cold darn it.  Step.  Step.

It was so cute, so smart.  I am sure if she would have removed the pacifier, she would have said: "Dear mom, you forgot to put my pants back on.  It is winter and I would like to respectfully request to have my pants put back on.  Thank you for your consideration."  I was laughing.  It was so clear what she wanted.   I pointed it out to Brendan and then continued with my packing.   We were late. 

Suddenly, A nice pat on the back of my leg.  Pat pat... are you listening.  I turn around.  R is there.  The pants in hand again.  Here goes the leg kicks.  Step Step.  She patted me, then the pants, then her leg.  She was really trying to tell me that she wanted those darn pants. I stopped.  Informed her that she was in a dress, and it was ok to run without pants.  She looked down, shrugged and allowed me to take her out pants-less.

The first of many times that she will note that she knew more than her mom did. 

Lovin' life

So – I think we do a pretty good job keeping it all together.  There are moments when I sit back and think about the lives of my friends.  Most are single w/o kids.  I recently tried to imagine their obligations, their days, how they spend their money.  It was amazing.  Not really because I realized that they have days when they have nothing to do.   Not even because I had a hunch they had money or vacation time that I didn’t.   I didn’t even feel jealous (much).  

The thing that really got me was how much I didn’t realize we had on our plates.   I never imagined how much work it is to raise three kids.  I never stopped to think of any life other than my own. It is not that it is all that tough – I would argue with anyone that they could handle the day to day.  Especially if we used TV. 

But even without that – Law school is a lot.  Brendan is carrying a lot on his shoulders.  Ten years older than the average bear really does mean something when it comes to obligations, maturity, and ability to tolerate crap.  These kiddos get their stress relief through sex, drugs and rock n’ roll.   Poor Brendan has to do it through Dora the Explorer and 17 loads of laundry a week. 

Ok, Strip away that.  Day care is a lot.  Managing that relationship is a lot.  This is someone who is engaging with your kids more hours per week than you do.  Someone who is teaching them the foundational skills that will be with them for the rest of their lives.  Someone who is taking in more of my money monthly than any other bill.  Someone who has 8 other children and their complicated lives to manage in addition to ours. 

Ok, fine – take that away… We own a 100+ year old house that needs attention.  We have a car that needs attention.  We have neighbors that need attention.  We have household stuff to attend to.  We have jobs, friends, family, doctors appointments, museum memberships, classes.  It is enough to make your head spin.   There is a lot going on.  

The funny thing is – I didn’t notice it.  It really took me taking the time to really think about the lives of others to notice that ours might possibly be less than perfect.  I tried to imagine why I come off as a flake sometimes.  I really do mean to get out and do things.  To read a book, to go out for a coffee, to meet someone for dinner.   We do a pretty good job of making it happen – but it isn’t perfect. 

I am going to start letting go of my need for perfection.  It is what it is.  I have a beautiful family.  They are well fed, well educated and well played.  I may not have the most flexible schedule in the world – but I do have the most amazing family in the world.  Five minutes of playing with them and the rest of the stresses melt away. 

Even mommies break the rules.

Why hide what is going on?   So, we got pulled over the other day.  Sure sure.  I tried (stupidly) to get everyone home at 5:20 and then fed and put back out the door at 6pm for swimming class.  That might sound do-able, but keep in mind that we also have an exchange student and I can’t “fake” dinner.

Previous swimming nights, there have been times when pb&j and grapes counted for the ladies. For my dinner, I may or may not have eaten two thin mints and called it a day.   With guests, something has to be made.  Crazy.  Somehow, things happened.  Girls were crying – food wasn’t eaten – exchange student trying to get them out to the car.  NUTS.  

At this point, I have learned (after 3 babies) that it would possibly be ok to just not go.  Sometimes we can’t force them to want to have a good time.  Problem being – grandma takes classes before our swimming class.  She is already in the pool waiting for us.  She would worry.  A lot. 

Here we go – 6:20.  20 minute drive away from swimming class. Set to be there 15 minutes late and then changing into suits.  In pool about 6:50 for a class that ends at 7:15. Vroooom.   Of course.  We are pulled over.  I was very surprised, I really didn’t think I was going that fast.  He asked me how fast.  I said- not sure.  He said 40.  I said oh?  Very confused because it is a  non-residential frontage road.  40 seems perfectly reasonable.   Apparently not to whoever set the speed limits.  It is 30 there.  *#)@ 

Turns out, in addition to speeding, I didn’t have my insurance on me.  #*@)*  The girls wanted to know – what did he want?  I told them he was doing a seat belt check.  We all had ours on.  Whew.  I also had my ID on me – something I very typically don’t have.  Whew.  There was a lot of conversation about why the lights were on and why it took so long.  And why the red and blue lights made purple.   Keep in mind I had very agitated babies.  

Then I got the question.  “If they were doing a seat belt check, what are we waiting for?  We all have seat belts.” Yikes.  I explained – Mommy was driving too fast and that isn’t safe.  He is stopping mom to give her a ticket.  There were more questions – but really- I felt good about using the moment to explain that even mommies have to follow the rules.  

Now to write the check…