The Grape Lady

We were driving home from the grocery store a few months ago and my (at the time) newly three year old shouted: "STOP THE CAR."  We were a mile from home, and she apparently had something to say.  I hit the breaks and looked back.  She asked "is that the nice grape lady's house?" It took me a minute. Which of you is the nice grape lady? Who, in my daughters three year old life was "the grape lady?" Clearly my memory is not as good as a young child. And then I remembered. 

This summer, when she was about 2.5 and probably ...eight months ago we went to Marty's house.  She is a fabulous gardener who has, among other things,  a row of mature grapes.  The grapes were bountiful last year and she shared with us. Lots. The girls ran under the arbor, picked grapes, each demanding her own scissors and bag. The six of us can pick grapes quite efficiently. They loved running in the yard, the autonomy of picking just what you wanted and eventually, eating the fruit of their labor. This year, we had wonderful help from Sarah, juicing, jellying and doing all of the work.  

This whole process speaks to the amazing network of people and community we have in our lives.  For goodness-sakes, we have a grape lady!  This sharing of produce all started with Marty searching her neighborhood for people who had grapes. If she saw a vine, she knocked on the door and asked if they were eating them. Often times, they weren't. Same goes for mulberries.It was a simple exploration of who has food growing that they aren't using, and how can we connect that food to people who can use it? Marty gets it.She is an amazing woman and I was struck, STRUCK that my 3yo got it. She understood that there was an amazing woman out there who had these vines growing near her house. 

Turns out, this was a totally different house with grapes. I told her that and Ms. R said: "too bad, I miss her. And her grapes."  People ask us often: how do you do what you do.  And about as often: you should do less. Try to say no! It's true, I have been looking for ways to simplify, but this moment was a total and complete reassurance that we are doing so much more than getting free grapes. We are building a community.  We are teaching the girls to make use of the resources available, but also to make connections with people. Real connections. 

We ARE busy, that is no joke.  I don't see people as often as I would like.  There were days when the grape call was at a time when we couldn't possibly take on another task. But we did.  Why? To maintain a connection. I want Marty to call me if she needs something.  I want her to know that if she has something that needs taking care of, we will step in and make that happen.  Neighbor annoyed with the mulberry mess? We are on it.  Too many grapes? Call us. 

And we hope that we do the same in return.  We have given away a full household of furniture, cookware, baby stuff, traded food, made meals, babysat, shared professional skills. We continue to share our skills and resources with no expectation of return. It always comes back. There was a time when I entered a contest where the prize was to go on a trip with your closest 40 friends.  I got nervous because I didn't even think I could pull together 12.  So we made a change.  We decided that we needed people in our lives.  We needed a network of people who we loved and loved us back. 

It seems like such a small and silly reason to make some fundamental shifts in life - but we needed to.  It is difficult to know and maintain a large network of people. Sometimes you have to say yes, when all you want to do is sit on the couch and say NO. But it isn't just about me.  It is about the 3yo who wants to pick grapes.  Or the 5yo who wants to meditate.  It is the 4yo that just wants to go to play music at her friends house.  We all need someone special in our lives. Having a big network widens the possibilities that the girls will find someone whose life looks like they think they want theirs to be like. Right now, we have gardening on the mind. 

Put simply: I can't imagine what our life would be like without the Grape Lady. Or any of the rest of you, for that matter. We are all in this together. What can I do for you this week?