What is your superpower?

I have the gift of a young lady who will tell you just how it is.  She is beautiful, insightful and struggles a bit.  When we struggle, we spend time snuggling and decompressing about how it could be done better.  At the crux of the most recent conversation: Expected behavior.

You see, it is a common technique in working with kids with ASD to discuss expected and unexpected behaviors, to work on getting kids closer to behavior that resembles the whole.   That entire concept, look to the masses to define your personality is loathsome. I think I can agree that it is good to know where the average is, so that you can choose where you want to fall in respect to the group think. But I want. No, I expect the kids to feel free to be whoever they want to be. 

Sometimes my kid flops on the ground screaming.  I respond: “wow, that was very unexpected. I was expecting you to say no thank you, but you are on the floor.”

Her response: “mom. Don’t say that.  When you say it is unexpected it makes me feel like I am different.  It reminds me that I rarely do what IS expected. When I hear unexpected, unexpected, unexpected, I take it to mean BAD, BAD, DIFFERENT.”

Of course you do.  OF COURSE. I am peppering you with these reminders that, despite your best efforts, you aren’t blending. WOW. How thankful am I for a kid that will tell me that. She will tell me so clearly just where she is at.  This continued down a path that I will not fully illuminate.  Not because I am afraid to discuss mental health.  On the contrary – let’s discuss it in person.  But the specifics of her struggle are, and should be private.

We went to the deep dark place.  I listened to her concerns, her plans, her lifelines.  And, do you know what she told me? She said: “Mom, I want to be a photographer.  I want to work with people to photograph their dark places.  I want to take a picture of their horrible monsters, their ugliest, nastiest places that tell them bad things.”

Color me skeptical. Let’s not illuminate the bad; didn’t we just talk about that? Thankfully, I didn’t say a thing. I just kept listening.

“And then do you know what I want to do next?” she asked me “I want to take a picture of them at their best. I want to take a picture of them in the moments of their most joy. I want to show that you are your most powerful when you are experiencing joy.  When happiness flows through your body – no demon can defeat that.  But the problem is you can’t experience both joy and pain at the same time.  Your joy demon is so far away from your hate that the battle that needs to happen doesn’t happen. Do you know what would be exciting? To be able to look at yourself and your power; that would help me. That would help others.  I want to share this gift with the world.”

All I could do was to hand her a camera.  And do you know what she did? She turned it on me.  She said: “mom, your super power, your unique, special, magical gift is LOVE.”  Me. Silence. “Mom, when you love someone. When you turn your eyes to them, open, loving, magical… the world stops. The only thing that matters at the time is the person who gets the privilege of being in your arms.” Silence.

I am in tears. The battle with mental health will be a long one.  It is for all of us. But you know what, you have strength. You have community. You and your superpowers are known. Match your demon with someone else’s superpower.  Embrace your power. Document your power.  Tough times do come and it’s best to be reminded what lies within.