One opportunity came when we were at a diversity retreat, doing an exercise that asked participants to "cross the line if you are/do/identify..." It was a good exercise that allowed a visual unpacking of some of our biases. After the exercise, someone declared "I wish I would have asked for people to cross the line if they identified as a feminist. I bet EVEN 50% of the WOMEN wouldn't cross." I gulped, thankful that she didn't ask. Because I wouldn't have. Really.
I didn't think I knew enough to be a feminist. I didn't think there were that many issues in the enlightened age of 1997 of disparity between men and women. Weren't we past that? My mom was a single mom, doing everything. Before you yell at your screen, remember. I was young. I hated history (I thought) and I'm driven by this notion that we should and could all just get along. I didn't understand how good men had it. I thought life was tough for all of us.
Since that time, I have thankfully and unfortunately had the opportunity to learn just how wrong I was. That woman's statement has stuck with me all this time. I can picture the room, what I was wearing, where I was standing and just who said it (thanks Megan P). And, as an opportunity to not only embrace that I am a feminist, but to become actively involved. I have four amazing ladies to remind me of the inequities and the challenges.
The 6yo had her moment to question both her senator, Al Franken (at Megan P's house no less) why there was no national holiday for women. (A longer, much different story). She is seen here, squishing his head.
Another child told me that there was no way their father was actually a Librarain, he was a boy and that was a boy job. In the same light, one of the girls declared that during imagination, they could only pretend to be a nurse or dentist because those are the only jobs that girls can do. Doctors (because of their doctor) must clearly only be men.
They inherit the bias that they see. They see generalities and never hope to be the exception.
R (4yo) and I were talking one day about something. I mentioned that the president had done a great thing, and added: "and I voted for him, so I have a part in making that great thing happen." So she asked: "tell me about more people that you've voted for that won." So we went through the list. We talked about everyone from city council to president. We talked about what they had help make happen. She was a little star struck. She asked "tell me about the WOMEN you have voted for that won." We went through a list of accomplished politicians. And then it came. She looked at me with starry eyes, excited that her mom, and these other ladies were so smart and did such great things: "mom, tell me about the women you have voted for for president and won."
. . .
Really. What do you say? They already told me they can't be doctors because their doctor is a boy. I was quickly able to get them an appointment with a girl doctor. They went to an appointment with me to see my girl doctor. They saw pictures of the girl doctor that delivered each and every one of them. But president? I have nothing to say except: "honey, there hasn't been a girl president. I haven't had the opportunity to vote for a girl president." And she got quiet.
Then she asked the car: "girls (to her sisters)... Do any of you want to try to be president? Mom is good at picking winners in elections." My 6yo jumped right in on the 4yos question: "no! Who would want to be president? I am going to invent things that the president will have to give me money for. I am going to invent things that the president will ask ME about. I don't want that job, I have much better plans."
Yes, I am a feminist. I didn't know I was at 18, but I have learned.
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