Sometimes it really helps to have a scientific mind.
We were at Target right after day care, auntie came to pick up the girls, it was Friday and everyone was tired and hungry. A numero uno mistake right? Pick a time when no one wants to do something and make them do something together. Awesome.
Then, let them approach a problem in a way that is a-typical to the routine. I walked in one direction with the smallest baby to get the cart that straps all three into a position. Auntie, sweetly walked them into the store, one on each hand. B asked for a basket. How cute. A wanted one too. Then came the dollar section. They were really quite sweet, walking through, tossing things into their little baskets. What a sight.
We redirected them, encouraged them to grab a ride and tossed their baskets under the bottom of the cart (I was in a hurry - guests on the way to the house). I totally forgot they were there. We pick up the few things that Auntie needed and were back in line. Stuff all unloaded and then I see one kid leaning way over the side of the cart... looking at something. The baskets. Crap.
She points to it, then the next baby - our stuff OUR STUFFFFFFFFF. Crap. I don't even have my wallet - I told Auntie if she wants to pay for it, they can pick one thing out of their basket, but if she doesn't want to pay - no worries, they don't need anything. A came to the store with the intention of getting a book. She told us in the car. She grabbed the book and moved on. B. Darling B had a moment with this princess thing and that princess thing and having to pick because we were already in line and everyone is rushing. No listening, no empathizing. Come on kid CHOOSE! Argh.
Freeze. We NEVER go to the store mid week. We NEVER let them loose in the store. We eat on time. We don't rush and when we do have to rush, we pre-warn everyone about the rules of the activity and our expectation. Already, everything was broken. This is not the system our kids typically operate under. This became quickly obvious when the screaming started. First one and then the other. I am typically someone who gets embarrassed when a kid is even a little sassy in public. They just aren't like this. For some reason, I wasn't totally embarrassed. I don't get it. Anyway.
Out of my element and one that typically listens to my daughters, when the big one said/screamed can I get out of my seat now, I complied. Rookie mistake. Damn. 3.7 years in and I still am a dummy sometimes. Auntie is at the cash register with bags and bags of stuff. I am blocking the exit with one big girl in full tantrum and one medium girl confused and freaking out now (joining the fun maybe?). Dramatics ensue to get people back in their places and back out to the car.
We are at the car and I can get her into her seat. She is upset and she is mad and she is strong. We had to go... people were coming. But I took an extra 5 minutes to save 20 worth of arguing. Trick 1- engage the brain. She is screaming and I ask "What kinds of things does a 10 year old like to do?" She had spent the car ride over explaining to me that she was 10 years old. You could see her eyes look up into the creative window of her brain. She stopped the freak out for just a minute. Then it started again. Trick 2 - deep breathing and empathy. I told her to breath deeply and we hugged and tried to do it. She said "I (hiccup) can't (hiccup) it hurts (hiccup)." Me? "I know, it is hard to slow down my breathing when I get that upset. I try to do it by filling my toes with air. DEEP breath." Again, we got a break. She asked: "you get upset?"
"yes virginia, I get upset."
She giggled and said OK, but can I tell you what made me so upset? I said yes, but in the car. I am cold out here. (Thank goodness Auntie was there to strap the other two in)! So I listened. And it is sometimes hard to listen to a winding toddler story that sometimes gets interrupted. But she wanted to talk about the princess chapstick she saw. You see... she got a different chapstick from St. Nick. But a girl in day care stole it (a whole different story). So she had to tell me about the chapstick and the girl and the outcome. Her solution? Next time she will ask for two chap sticks. One she could loose and the other that she could keep safe.
So - a whole bunch of crazy elements combined to have us with the worst freak out of all times. Once I was able to figure out the trigger elements, we got out of it. Mainly by controlling the situation, engaging the child's mind and then reminding her she is loved, even if she is being a snot bag. And from there, talking through how everyone felt (you better believe I told her I was embarrassed)! Lastly, we problem solved. Here is hoping St. Nick brings a whole crate full of cotton candy flavored chap stick. And a sack of coal for the girl in day care.
I am now o
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