On teaching thoughtfulness

It isn't much of a secret that I don't like Valentines Day.  My main reason is the same that you have heard many times: You shouldn't need a day to remind you to be thoughtful.

My main frustration was realized in yet another art project from the school.  Or so I thought.  Here we are, on valentines day and the projects are flowing in school.  B made this vase of flowers, seemingly identical to all of the others.  Quick, cheap and WTF am I supposed to do with it.

We have clutter, we have things, why do I need another item that the teacher decided what to make, how to make it and that everyone would do the same thing?

And then, I did a novel thing.  I asked B why she made it.  She said: "mom, I love you.  I made you four flowers, one from each girl.  I used the yellow in the middle to try to make it look like a daffodil because I know it is your favorite flower. I know it isn't perfect, but I did the best I could."   Well damn it. It was thoughtful.  And it was for me.

This happened again when she presented me with the bracelet.  Pipe cleaner, beads.  It's all been done before.  You would have thought that after the flowers, I would be more careful before I made plans to toss it.  In this case, even before I asked B said: "I made this.  I thought you looked so pretty in magenta yesterday, I picked that for the bracelet.  We were only allowed two letter beads, so I gave you the K from my bracelet, so you could be S.D.K.  Also, I put a red heart for you, and four glow in the dark hearts, one for each girl."  She goes on to say that the glow in the dark was important, so that I knew always, even when bedtime is tough, even when I am alone in my bed, the girls hearts are glowing with the love that I share.  ALWAYS.

Well shit. Children are thoughtful.  This isn't isolated to just one either.  I have a key chain from x-mas that 4yo A shared with me. The key chain is another project that is cheap and easy, but makes the kids feel good that they can give something to their parents.  I took it and put it on my work keys.  First of all, this was a huge step.  She was so proud to see her work elevated to the importance of an every day piece.  She held her chest proud.  Anyway.  I noticed something funny.  Did you catch it?

The strands are nearly identical.  Slightly different in the end, but the midpoints are all the same.  I picked this up when bored in a meeting and tried to calculate the probability of this happening randomly.  After a lot of shitty math, I realized that she had done this intentionally.  She had to have. So I asked.  Simple enough right? Well her 4yo self, in a small voice tells me "Yes, I didn't think you would notice.  One strand, the longer one, is you.  And the other is me.  Our beginnings are a little different because we didn't know each other yet, but our middles are just the same because we are together right now, our stories are the same."

What the hell? This one I couldn't believe. I checked with the teacher; was that the point of the assignment?  Did she get it there? Nope.  Teacher reports it was just leather string and beads.  The story came from A.  

How.is.this.possible? My cynical heart could be melting with a few small acts.  Children are not robots.  They don't simply recreate for the sake of it.  My ladies, when thinking about sharing valentines with their classmates refused the packaged ones.  They cut out shapes from their pieces of art.  They used old cereal boxes to make dioramas for important people.  They thought about people in a meaningful way and spent a moment to tell them that they are remembered and they are loved.

I still don't LOVE v-day.  I think everyday should be a day that you write a card, give a gift, share a hug.  I love to love daily, through small acts.  But for me, for now, I might take it as a challenge to really reflect on the ways that others are showing their love, and to teach how to be mindful, thoughtful and intentional in our daily acts.  The girls are certainly living it.  It is now time to elevate these acts, to praise them and encourage more.