You are already the expert

The last post was written with the intent to explain that you are often doing the thing that the books tell you to, even if you don’t read the book.  For example, much of the touching we do at our house, including the imagination crayon stuff is akin to “brushing.”  Don’t know what that is? You probably don’t need to. .

We are often in tune with our children in a way that we don’t give ourselves credit for.  I was asked recently: “What was the best parenting book you read?”  On its face, it seems to be a simple enough question, but the whispered truth is : I’ve never read a single parenting book.  Really.  I haven’t.

I know.  According to the rules of life (or what reactions have been to date): You are supposed to feel shocked. I’m supposed to feel ashamed.   Neither are appropriate.

You see, I might read a book at some point.  But for now, self-reflection has worked.  The time I have free, I spend thinking, reflecting and bringing forward the parent from within.  I believe I have the wisdom of my mother, my grandmother, and all of the women who have done this job before me.  Ok, maybe not all women, but I have certainly taken in a lot of parenting information in the past 33 years.  I just don’t always take the time to sort, reflect and listen to what is already a part of me. 

I am the person I listen to more than anyone else, the person that I turn to when I don’t know what to
do.  I spend a lot of time reflecting on parenting.  I turn inside of myself.  When I question what to do as a parent – who I want to become – I contact my inner self.  The parent within.  

Here is some perspective:  I am a Virgo on the cusp of Leo.  Perfectionist with a hint of ego.  What do I care what someone else thinks about parenting? Huge exaggeration. I care a lot. Brendan and I spend a lot of time talking about what we should do, what our families did.  We hash it out.  It is a partnership. Additionally, I ask friends, ECFE courses, neighborhood families; any opportunity to talk with other parents about what their kid did.  This is often in the same city, same neighborhood, same age-range, etc.  I cherish the opportunity to ask, to listen, and to share with other parents.


My partner and I are raising children.  The same “simple” task people have undertaken for thousands of years. I hold a lot of that wisdom within me.  I can only be the mother I was meant to be.  I cannot live/be/act in a way that makes sense to someone else. When my kid feels “deregulated” we sit, talk, touch; we brush.  When my picky eater won’t eat? We have her help cook.  We break the meal up into ingredients that they can taste “not mixed up.”


I will eat my words someday.  I will read a book, but for now – I challenge you to find your inner parent.  To strengthen, empower, listen to your inner parent.  You carry the wisdom of generations with you daily.  The challenge is to slow down and tune out the world around you so that you can bring that wisdom forward and apply it to today.