Ok, my kids are hooligans at times. They are kind of to the point where their three ages act against them and make us the crazy people in any given social situation. You can handle a 10 month old when you go out to eat. Let them nibble on whatever is at the table (try to limit napkin consumption) and all will be OK.
Three and a half years old? Also, not too much of a problem as long as you don't mind having a three and a half year old conversation about snowmen melting but then their arms becoming wings and flying over the sun and behind a cloud. That is totally do-able.
Two years old? Food, silverware, drinking from a cup with a straw. Ice. It is all exciting and as long as the cup doesn't get tipped, life is a-ok.
Now mix them. Suddenly the 10 month old doesn't get to eat fast enough. So she screams and pulls things down from wherever she can reach. you aren't listening and saying the right things back to the 3.5 year old so now she knows you aren't listening so tries the old trick of nodding while saying something. Like this: "momma, we can have ice cream (keep nodding up and down) for breakfast right mommy?" nod, nod, nod "right mommy, that would be a good idea wouldn't it. Say yes mommy." Huh? What? "Yeah sure B. Sounds great." (ouch. someone in the ether just slapped my head. Listen to your kids!) Then the two year old wants to try out the bathroom. Again. She has already tried the ladies room twice and now she tells me "no no. Boys room. I boy. I prince. I need to stand." Goodness.
This all happened on the way to the children's theater (we have a subscription). Other notable events: 1) A licked the back of a chair. Back and forth and back and forth as I jumped over lots of traffic to get to her. 2) B gave cupcakes to Michelle for her b-day. There was also another one for "Michelle's adult friend." Apparently that is the polite way to refer to someone if you don't remember their name. Sorry Deirdre. 3) B tried at least 5 soup spoons during dinner. One of which went back into the holder at the table dirtying others. Awesome. 4) R screamed. When she doesn't get her food fed to her fast enough, she screams. A lot. 5) A ate her shrimp, spit it out and put it in my bowl. Glamorous. 6) I agreed to ice cream for breakfast. Something I morally endorse but don't allow because of the cake and ice cream fiasco of 2009.
This was all before we got to the play. At the play A was chair surfing. Again. We have a row of 14 people. And if you haven't been to the children's theater, you should know that the place has THE most leg room of any theater around. Turns out, the plan was boring. It was the "old kids" play this year. Usually the kids find something fun and go with it. Today, they were tired and not into it. She moved from seat to seat and sure enough. "Shhhhhhhshhhhhhh" from the lady in front of her.
Here is the thing. I know the plays are great. I have had a subscription since pre-baby times. I am not questioning that or judge you for exercising your play choosing freedom to be here. But, at the end of the day, it is a CHILDREN'S THEATER. And guess what? Children are loud. This is the theater where they are welcome and they are learning how to be good theater patrons.
Want your theaters to exist in the future? Teach your children to appreciate and attend. Want quite adult patrons next to you at the Guthrie? They come from people who learned at a young age how to behave at the theater. I have to talk to tell them no eating in the theater. I have to have space to teach her where to sit. Just relax and enjoy the show. Noise at the theater is to be expected. If you don't like it, leave.
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